The C word

When I started this sporadic blog I never dreamed in my wildest imagination that I'd be saying this in the next 30 years ...

I have cancer.

Dr. Sriram (he's called Ram ... like CD-rom) Dasari is my urologist with Urology Associates. He's tall, dark and handsome, typically very friendly, funny, outgoing and laughs a lot. I like him. I heard him in his normal tone out in the hall before he came into the little 8x8 examining room where I'd been told to wait. So when he finally entered the room and was not smiling and talking softly, I immediately knew it was bad news. He pulled up a stool and sat down facing me, looked me square in the eyes and said, "I'm sorry to tell you that your prostate biopsy does show cancer. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ...."

After he used the "C" word, everything else sounded like the adults in a Peanuts cartoon on TV ... you hear noise but you never hear what they're saying. Dr. Dasari tried to cover the preliminaries of treatments and surgery but after looking into my eyes he just kindly said, "I can see you're in shock. Everyone is when they first hear the 'C' word, so we'll just talk about all this after we do further testing." As I said, I really like him. Very intuitive and sensitive to my feelings. Plus the fact that I had tears welling up and threatening to spill down my cheeks any second I'm sure tipped him off that I was about to lose it.

So, last week I had a head-to-toe bone scan after being injected with radiation that settles in the bones (makes better pictures apparently) and a CT scan of my mid-section, where the prostate lives.

The good news is that the scans revealed no new surprises. The cancer is confined to the right side of the prostate. Now I get to decide what's best for me — treatment or surgery to remove the prostate completely (they don't just take out part of it). Dr. Dasari uses robotic surgery instead of cutting the patient wide open. It's laparoscopic-style, much like the way they remove gall bladders and such these days. Faster recovery, milder side effects, and hardly any scarring.
I asked him if "robotic" meant that a little C3PO was going in with a light sabre and cut things out. I also explained that when I'm extremely nervous and stressed I tend to make bad jokes.

That's the latest. I'll continue to update this blog as I get deeper into understanding what's going on and as my emotional state allows. I've e-mailed everybody I can think of to ask for prayers and positive thoughts during this time of decision. For some reason, now that it's up to me to make up my mind where to go from here, I'm feeling so vulnerable and private again. Those who know me best know that's not my style. If I seem not myself these days, please be patient and understand. If my jokes and puns are worse than usual, know that I'm using it as an escape mechanism. That's my family's way. No situation is so serious that it can't be softened with a wisecrack or silly comment.

Stay in touch. If you don't hear from me, don't take it personally, please!
I love my family and friends so much and absolutely could not make it without all of you.

Danny

A Book Report

Actually, I just finished two books that I loved and will forever change the way I view life. I may just be the last person on the planet to read Mitch Albom's Tuesdays with Morrie and The Five People You Meet in Heaven. If there's one other person who hasn't read these small but infinitely powerful books, I urge you to get to the library or bookstore today.

Albom seems to be a young man with an inordinate depth of understanding and wisdom beyond his years. I know he absorbed much of what his "coach," Morrie Schwartz, taught him about life and living each day. I doubt he could have written Five People without Morrie's spirit looking over his shoulder.

Both books touched chords in me that moved me to tears the instant I read certain passages ... about parents, children, hopes and dreams, relationships ... and life and death.
I'm so proud of my children and know that they're both good, honest people. They're as different as night and day but both have a rich sense of humor and can find a silver lining in every cloud.

"Parents rarely let go of their children, so children let go of them. They move on. They move away. The moments that used to define them — a mother's approval, a father's nod — are covered by moments of their own accomplishments. It is not until much later, as the skin sags and the heart weakens, that children understand; their stories, and all their accomplishments, sit atop the stories of their mothers and fathers, stones upon stones, beneath the waters of their lives."

(from The Five People You Meet in Heaven, page 126)

In the midst of this hypnotic story, Albom throws in little nuggets of wisdom. The pearls to be found in Tuesdays with Morrie are simply too many to quote. Every page is filled with simple but perceptive truths about how we treat the people in our lives, how we react to the world around us, and even how we treat ourselves.

You must read these two books. I'll expect a book report a week from Friday.

Never a dull moment ...

People who say they're bored are boring. With so much to absorb at our fingertips via the internet, books, magazines, TV, radio, how can anyone possibly be bored? It's beyond me. Spend some time with on elderly relative, friend or neghbor. They have so much to offer from life experience and are rarely asked for their opinion ... and boy, do they have opinions! Days, weeks, months go by and the only living soul they see regularly is the postman or, if they don't live at home, the people who tend to them because they're paid to do so. Thank God for families who care for their own and even if they have to be placed in special care, they regularly receive visits from people who love them and haven't forgotten them.

Not sure why that was on my mind but there it is.

Life is such a whirlwind these days. Everyone pulling from all directions and only so much of me to go around. I'm tempted to let myself only be pulled in the direction of monetary compensation when the richer and greater reward is spending time with people I truly love and who truly and unconditionally love me ... and there are many.
I don't think anyone is actually reading my sporadic blogs but maybe it just does me good to write these things down occasionally. It feels right, anyway.
I'm so grateful for my family and friends and thank God for them every day.

Loss

Just saw on the 10 p.m. news that "Grand Ole Opry" star Billy Walker, his wife Bettie, and band members Daniel Patton and Charlie Lilly were killed in a car accident last night, coming home from their show in Alabama. Billy's 21-year-old grandson is in critical condition. I met Mr. Walker backstage at the Grand Ole Opry several times and he was always very kind and a dignified man.
Charlie Lilly and I met through a mutual friend, me dear buddy Don Ellis. Charlie was a sweet man and laughed easily. I wish I had gotten to know him better. He was only 44. Daniel was 40. Mr. Walker was 77.

Such a tragic, loss of some incredibly talented individuals who gave the world much pleasure through their gift of music. They will be greatly and deeply missed.

Life is cruel sometimes. We never know when something like this can take us or someone we love away from this world we love so much.

Pray for the families and the Opry family.

New Kid on the Blog

Guess there's a first time for everything.
It seems that 21st Century technology has made it possible for everyone to be a published writer.
Who knew?
So, after seeing blogs by others, I decided to give it a whirl.
Don't expect any shocking, embarrassing or too revealing entries here ...
just random musings about my world and the cast of characters that inhabit it.