It's February 16, 2007, one month after my follow-up visit to Urology Associates and Dr. Dasari. Life is a bit bewildering at this point. The bills, the many bills, continue to pour in every day. I just put them in a stack, putting off any sort of bookkeeping or payment plan. Not good, I know. It takes my entire salary just to pay my mortgage and utilities, with the additional financial support of my roommate, Daryl.
I am still dealing with a lack of energy, despite the fact that I'm having to work a 40-hour-a-week job. I got my hand slapped for coming in late some days, even though I've been diligent to get in my 8-hour day by staying as late as I have to and taking short lunch hours. I was told, "We've been very lenient with you during this whole cancer situation. It's time to get back on the regular schedule." Lenient? I was off work for 3 weeks. Had I not had robotic surgery, I would've been out for 3 months! It's interesting that they take names if you show up late, but no one is around when you stay late to make up for it.
I heard this week that for every hour your body is under anesthesia, you need a month to recover. With the appendectomy and subsequent cancer surgery in December, I logged probably 8 hours of being totally knocked out. That was two months ago, so I guess that means it'll be six more months before I get that anesthetic out of my system ... if the statistic is true, that is. It sure feels true.
I'm trying to stay positive and upbeat about this process. It ain't easy, let me tell ya. The financial burden is tough but somehow I'll survive. I always have.
I determined when I was in the hospital that I wanted to push myself to pursue life as an actor in a very real way — I've been encouraged by friends in L.A. to give it a shot out there. In the meantime, I hope to take on some roles here that I'm dying to do, whether they pay or not. I didn't survive prostate cancer to sit behind a desk for the next 10 years. But to leave my job means I'd be leaving my health insurance. It will be difficult and very expensive if I have to provide my own coverage ... if I can even get coverage as a cancer survivor.
Sorry if I'm seeming to whine here. I've struggled to remain happy and grateful for getting through all the physical challenges. I'm so thankful. But the day-to-day financial needs are getting the best of me, which I know is not good health-wise.
So, keep praying for me. I may no longer have cancer but the world keeps turning and the creditors don't care what you've been through. They only want the money you owe.
The best thing that's happened is that a dear friend is now facing the same surgery I had. I told him that it was a blessing to me that I could share my experience with him if it makes his journey a little easier and not so scary. Why else did I have to go through all this if it can't be used to help someone else?
Life is good. I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I just can't always see the tunnel.
Love to all,
Danny
