When I started this sporadic blog I never dreamed in my wildest imagination that I'd be saying this in the next 30 years ...
I have cancer.
Dr. Sriram (he's called Ram ... like CD-rom) Dasari is my urologist with Urology Associates. He's tall, dark and handsome, typically very friendly, funny, outgoing and laughs a lot. I like him. I heard him in his normal tone out in the hall before he came into the little 8x8 examining room where I'd been told to wait. So when he finally entered the room and was not smiling and talking softly, I immediately knew it was bad news. He pulled up a stool and sat down facing me, looked me square in the eyes and said, "I'm sorry to tell you that your prostate biopsy does show cancer. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ...."
After he used the "C" word, everything else sounded like the adults in a Peanuts cartoon on TV ... you hear noise but you never hear what they're saying. Dr. Dasari tried to cover the preliminaries of treatments and surgery but after looking into my eyes he just kindly said, "I can see you're in shock. Everyone is when they first hear the 'C' word, so we'll just talk about all this after we do further testing." As I said, I really like him. Very intuitive and sensitive to my feelings. Plus the fact that I had tears welling up and threatening to spill down my cheeks any second I'm sure tipped him off that I was about to lose it.
So, last week I had a head-to-toe bone scan after being injected with radiation that settles in the bones (makes better pictures apparently) and a CT scan of my mid-section, where the prostate lives.
The good news is that the scans revealed no new surprises. The cancer is confined to the right side of the prostate. Now I get to decide what's best for me — treatment or surgery to remove the prostate completely (they don't just take out part of it). Dr. Dasari uses robotic surgery instead of cutting the patient wide open. It's laparoscopic-style, much like the way they remove gall bladders and such these days. Faster recovery, milder side effects, and hardly any scarring.
I asked him if "robotic" meant that a little C3PO was going in with a light sabre and cut things out. I also explained that when I'm extremely nervous and stressed I tend to make bad jokes.
That's the latest. I'll continue to update this blog as I get deeper into understanding what's going on and as my emotional state allows. I've e-mailed everybody I can think of to ask for prayers and positive thoughts during this time of decision. For some reason, now that it's up to me to make up my mind where to go from here, I'm feeling so vulnerable and private again. Those who know me best know that's not my style. If I seem not myself these days, please be patient and understand. If my jokes and puns are worse than usual, know that I'm using it as an escape mechanism. That's my family's way. No situation is so serious that it can't be softened with a wisecrack or silly comment.
Stay in touch. If you don't hear from me, don't take it personally, please!
I love my family and friends so much and absolutely could not make it without all of you.
Danny
